A week has passed since ET and I FINALLY understand what Bloat means. To me, bloat means must be bloated ankles, bloated wrists, bloated face. How did I know that bloat refers to a distended tummy?

Ok now I know.

And am bloating.

Moving from the Petri dish to where they belong

4 August

Transfer day! I am trying to be chill and be cool about it, after all, this is the 5th time.

It was a bit of a logistics juggle with having to settle the two year old and arrange for pick up for the 8.5 year old at school. Thankfully my father was able to help.

I want to the clinic after dropping the toddler at my father's and my husband at work. The first order of the day was a blood test to check
Progesterone and E2 levels. I was also given a progesterone jab. I have forgotten how these hurt and nope, my request for a smaller needle was not approved.

The embryologist asked me again is I was sure I wanted three embryos transferred: I did as that was how baby #2 was conceived. Three embryos were transferred: one 10 cell, two 8 cell ones.

I was dismissed after lying for a while and it is now time for miracles to happen.

I was also administered a small dose of HCG as my E2 was only 5000, too low apparently.

I pray for sticky enbbies.
I pray for good hormone levels.
I pray for happiness and peace deep within that only He can give.

It's funny how I turn to blogging in the very lonely journey. Well, back here again and praying for another blessing yet again.

Blogging is therapeutic. Almost like talking to a friend, who doesn't talk back. Doesn't judge. Doesn't make inappropriate comments during a very sensitive time, cos even I don't know why I respond to certain comments the way I do.

I just finished my fraxiperene injection. The needle is big and I recall this is one of those that leaves me with bruising. It took me ten minutes to get through the jab. I am brave. I am.

An update

Thanksgiving: Hematoma (blood pool) is gone after 6 weeks of bedrest. Praise the Lord! Baby is also doing well on all counts - a real miracle.

Prayer requests: Lost my mucus plug a week ago. Two checks so far show cervix is still closed. Pray that it stays that way. It has been an adventure since BFP and every two weeks seem to bring something new. Not that I am complaining in anyway, just a very amusing thought.

Going forward: Been told that  we will take it a day at a time and the first priority is to get to 24 weeks viability. This is the basic minimum for baby to be accepted into NICU. After which aim for 28 weeks then 34 weeks. It has been a shocker for me so far - to have to basically "sit/lie & bake", esp when I am a person who needs to go places and do things. I had even bought maternity work clothes and outing clothes - in anticpation of how life will go as normal as with my first child. I had even planned to to head home to shop and get my detailed scans done in Singapore. Ah well. God has HIS plans. I am just so so SO thankful for every new day with baby and for being able to still be with my daughter and husband. Definitely not taking things for granted and travels anywhere is obviously out of the question.

Work wise: I have been given medical leave to 34 weeks due to high risk of pre-term labor. Wow. It hit me in the shower yesterday that I am considered High Risk. I have a LABEL. I am in a HUGE dilemma as I am feeling a LOT of guilt from being away from my team/work and it is useless telling me to examine which is obviously more important. My head knows which comes first but a part of me still feels very sad and torn to let my team down, especially after just hiring and training a new guy at work and having to basically let go totally.  It is hard to put my convoluted feelings in words but I am nonetheless thankful that I have friends who feel no shame in knocking me in the head now and then. I will have to approach work pretty soon to break the news and am praying that the conversation goes well. Oy.

I just realize that it HAS been an awfully long time since I have posted. So much has happened in this period of time. I will try to update soon

The big bleed - Part 1

Wed 18 Jan 2012

I was working from home and from the bed as I had a really bad maigraine that day. I remember diligently catching up on my emails, looking over a set of materials I needed to prepare for a training session and setting up various meetings with my colleagues from other office sites. I recall taking a nap during lunch time and feeling much better. I was even chatting with my DH on msn telling him how I was getting so much done and preparing for my conference call that was scheduled for 6:00pm that evening.

All of a sudden, I felt light headed and felt my heart beat just that little faster. I was sitting cross legged on the bed with my laptop and pinged DH on MSN saying I just felt a strange sensation. I decided to get up at 5:30 to go to the bathroom before setting up for the conference call. It was then that something went really wrong as I felt a huge woosh of pressure after I stood up.

I made my way to the bathroom and almost passed out in shock when I looked at my underwear. It was filled with fresh red blood and more kept dripping. It was like a blood filled water bomb had just exploded all over my underwear. Seeing red during any point in a pregnancy is never a good sign and somehow I snapped out of my shock and started calling for my nanny for help.

My only thought at that time was to keep my daughter away from the disturbing sight. I called and called and unfortunately the inquisitive dear came running. I shut the door and asked her to call for the nanny to come. My nanny is a trained staff nurse and quickly told me to call the hospital. I rang my midwife and she told me to get into the hospital quick. She will arrange for an OB to wait for me as she had a parentcraft class with 40 persons waiting for her.

For some reason, I stopped that 2 minutes to send an email to my boss to let her know that I wouldn't be making the 6pm conference call due to a trip to the hospital. What was I thinking? I don't know either.

I rang my neighbour and requested that Ayi (we share the same Ayi) head down to grab a cab for me. It was peak hour and peak hour traffic in Shanghai equates to massive traffic jams with little hope for any cabs. I then grabbed my bag and a towel to sit on and as calmly as I could took the lift to the first floor. It was winter dark and cold. I was in my jammies and could feel blood gushing with every step I took.

Ayi was nowhere in sight and I saw a cab that was loading a travel bag and a Chinese lady who was getting in. I quickly prayed and approached as fast as I could, begging for her to let me have the cab. I told her I was miscarrying and needed to get to the hospital quick. She insisted that she needed to get to the airport and I pleaded again. She finally relented and I begged the cabbie to drive as fast as he could.

The hospital is normally a 10 minute ride away, but with peak traffic, we came to a standstill at various points in our journey there. During this time, I rang my husband who was outstationed but couldn't reach him. I then rang my mom who was travelling in Taiwan and we prayed together. It was only then that it hit me that I could be losing the baby and that God was the only One who is really in control at this point. A feeling of calm and peace came over me and I remember hearing a quiet voice telling me that no matter what happens, I will be alright in the end. I got DH who was really calm and told me to do what I needed to do and keep him informed.

I then rang my IVF Doc in Singapore and she too picked up on the first ring. She assured me that I needed to stay calm to allow the uterus to relax as much as it can and not to walk too fast. She sounded amazed that I was alone on the way to the hospital and assured me as best as she could over the phone.

We finally made it to the hospital after 25 minutes or so and I walked to the OB-GYN clinic to find my midwife, the nurses and the sonographer all waiting for me, even though they were supposed to have knocked off an hour before. My midwife managed to get her team to stay to wait for me to arrive - what a blessing! We did a quick scan to ascertain that baby was alright and she decided to admit me for observation after we consulted with my OB who was also on duty that night.

I was quickly directed to the ward where I found that DH had sent our driver to check me out. I can tell you on hindsight that it is hilarious to see this huge big guy looking out of place at the L&D floor as we walked past him. I was settled into a bed and changed into scrubs and told to wait it out till 8 to 9pm when both my OB doctor and midwife will come by to discuss the situation with me. I was cramping all this while and it was reassuring to hear from the Dr that it is really natural for that to happen.

(To be continued)

Poking myself hurts...DUH!!

It used to be easier to acts of self injury injections, but it has lately been getting harder and harder. I feel the pain to be greater than before and wonder if its all in the mind. It actually took me a good 25 minutes to get one shot in yesterday and I only know cos I had to sit through two rounds of advertisements while watching a show on television.

I suspect it has got to do with me being a bit bloated as these self administered injections never did pose much of a challenge to me before.

Ah boo.