Poking myself hurts...DUH!!

It used to be easier to acts of self injury injections, but it has lately been getting harder and harder. I feel the pain to be greater than before and wonder if its all in the mind. It actually took me a good 25 minutes to get one shot in yesterday and I only know cos I had to sit through two rounds of advertisements while watching a show on television.

I suspect it has got to do with me being a bit bloated as these self administered injections never did pose much of a challenge to me before.

Ah boo.

Beta again

We did another Beta today as the Progesterone and E2 levels from the other day were worrying for the Doc. Today's numbers came back more satisfactory and it feels like a pat on the back for now.

16 days post 3-day transfer
Progesterone: 296.6
E2: 1671
HCG: 1,490

" An ultrasound at five or six weeks of pregnancy can better predict a good pregnancy outcome than any number of beta tests.  As a note, you won't expect to see a gestational sac or the fetus until the HCG level reaches at least 1,200 mIU/ml.   And you probably won't see a heartbeat until that level reaches at least 6,000 mIU/ml."

From: The Betabase

So does this mean that if we did a scan we would be able to see a sac since we've crossed the 1,200 hurdle? I have decided that unless necessary, I don't really want to know the statistics anymore. Mrs Ostrich is going to put her head in the sand now.

Beta charts

It is hard to stay out of the numbers game when I take into consideration of my previous medical history. It sure doesn't help that I get shoved a copy of the lab report to keep for future reference and find it hard to not flick the paper open and look at the numbers.

Plus, I am an analyst my nature...and profession...so yeah, I need to figure things out so that things make sense. Add to that finely honed research skills and it is almost a perfect equation for trouble.

Anyhow, I came across this really cool site that gathers Beta figures from real women and thought to share.

http://www.betabase.info/index.php

Beta, for the uninducted, refers to the level of HCG hormones in a person's body and is tested via blood serum.  A person is often deemed pregnant when the Beta is 10 and above - according to my previous midwife. The important trend here is to see the number double every two days. So I guess we - or I should say, my Doc, will be keeping a close eye on this one over the next few weeks.

Beta day

I have been waking up really early every morning to start my work day. Today was the same - u at 6am to work and clear my work emails. I then went down to the clinic for my blood draw at 9:30am and asked the nurse to not ring me with the results since I had to come down to the clinic eitherway - Either to get follow up support or to collect medicines for another cycle.

I returned home and worked more. I had lunch and even dozed off for a litte while after lunch. I was awaken by my cell which rang and showed the clinic's number only to be asked by the nurse if the Doc was with me at lunch. No....since I was snuggly tucked up in bed!

I then decided to work a bit more. It was 2:30pm before I hualed myself out of bed and drove to the clinic. When I walked in, I was met with a strict faced receptionist. I smiled and went into the nurses' room and was similarly met with a somber faced nurse.

She asked if I wanted to open the results together with her - I told her its fine, and it really was. I told her I already knew it was negative fromr reading their facial expession. So don't worry, I am alright.

The nurse showed me the lab report from her screen and I couldn't make out the numbers for a while - you know how it takes a while for the brain to really make sense of characters and figures. But by this time she was already grinning ear to ear and I remember telling her "no way...are you sure this is mine?". I grabbed her mouse and scrolled up the report to check that it is indeed my name that's on there.

The receptionist rushed in and started giggling..saying how it was so hard for her to have kept a straight face and how joyful she was. It didn't take long for the Doc who had just arrived back from lunch to walk in to join the party. It was truly a moment to remember.

Things quickly got very sombre as I was issued a warning about how my low progesterone and estrogen levels were and how I needed to up my meds.So things were not out of the woods yet.

It took us quite some time to figure everything out as I was on a whole load of meds. They include:

Progesterone support:
Utrogesten (Oral) - 1 morning, 1 noon, 2 night
Crinone (Vaginal) - 1 morning, 1 night
Proluton (Injection) - 1 daily

Estrogen support:
Progynova - 3 morning, 3 noon, 3 night
Patch - 1 a day

Aspirin -1 a day
Fraxiparene - 1 a day
Folic acid - 1 a day

Prenatal vitamins

I have also been grounded until things stablize and this has by far been the toughest thing to manage at this point as I had promised my daughter that I would be flying home in a day's time.

I am happy, excited and very grateful. Thank you God.

Big sister in waiting

I look at my first born and I see the many hopes I have for her. I say first born as I am convinced that the Lord has plans for us to be fruitful and multiply. :)

When I watch my firstborn play or work at her school work, I think of how much fun it will be for her to be a big sister, and how great of an older sister she will be.

My firstborn has been blessed with a lovely caring and nurturing heart and has good leadership qualities. I say so only because I am convinced that the Lord has made her so as He has good plans for her.

I get tempted at times to buy materials for the day when we can share with her the news that she is going to be a big sister - books, toys, shirts ....

That day will come, I know. Until then.

Water logged

I think I am water logged. Bloated.

Doc thinks it is probably because of all the porogynova that I have been given to supplement my estrogen levels. Fun!

It just means I am not able to wall very long I.e. No running around the shops! Which is a real key part of my relaxation plan. Bummer!!

For the record, my ankles are a little water logged and I can feel my arms slightly logged too. I am not too sure about the tummy as it has been feeling swollen for about more than a week now.

I am thankful that my body is responding to the supplements. PTL!!

Air supply

I have been having a tendency to burp quite a bit for the third day in a row now. It doesn't feel good and is keeping me awake after three hours of sleep.

My tummy is distended according to my acupuncture doctor who I saw today for a session. It is apparently pretty common even with FET according to her, quite a relief I must say as I figured if it wasn't so, then it must mean that I have pigged out a little too much!!!

They are in!!!

I showed up at the clinic at 7:45am for my transfer as instructed and was told to get out my kit and into the gown. I had even brought my own socks since I always have cold feet. I was ready within minutes and was quickly ushered into the operating theatre and got into position. Its a position that I am unfortunately very familiar with.

I felt a sense of peace overwhelming me and a real sense of calmness. I know that He is with me and in control. Amen to that!!!

The embryologist came to report that she had thawed four and there are three ready for transfer.

Embbies status:
- 8 cell that grew to 10 cells
- 8 cell that remained at 8 cells
- 4 cell that grew to 8 cells

Doc came, checked that my bladder was full - it was as I drank tonnes - and popped those embryos in. The obligatory squirt of Crinone and I was transferred to another bed. It is the first time I was transferred awake since all other times were under sedation.

So there I lay, resting and listening to praise music which really help put everything into perspective.

It wasn't long after that my bladder started to protest from all the liquids that I had downed earlier. A glance at the phone informed me that it was way too early to pee, so I started to play a game on the phone to distract myself.

Finally at 30 minutes past transfer, it hurt too much to tolerate any further. But the nurse was busy so I rang the main line in the clinic and got the reception to come save me. It was terrible trying to hobble to the bathroom and relief had never felt so good. I then returned to bed for another hour after and changed into my civvies.

After a bum kiss of progesterone and the obligatory blood draw, I was done - not before paying the bill of course. Did n't think I could get out of that one!!

I then made my way to the acupuncturist at Raffles Hospital where I did a really relaxing session and it was great. The TCM doctor commented that my pulse felt better than when I first started a week ago. Hurrah the Lord really heals!!!

I was given a formulation to brew for the next few days and sent home where I slept for over three hours....with my embbies :)

Grow lining grow!

Dear Lining,

How are you today? Did you enjoy last night's concert with songbird Kit Chan last night? I hope you are growing well and slowly but surely, preparing us to receive the beautiful embryos - 8mm or if you are an over-achiever like me, surpass that!

See you tomorrow at the scan machine!!

Xxxx,

Me

Ouch

Ppppppprrreeeeesentingggg ...... *drumroll*.....the biggest bruise I have collected so far. After three fresh cycles and our first attempt at fet, I have created a bruise that has succeeded in freaking me out. Eeps.

It looks like I have taken a marker and tried to scribble something only belly, using light pink markers to supplement the picture.

I think it kind of resembles a bear... What do you reckon?

Flats it is

I had to attend a function and decided to put on a pair of heels to complete my outfit. Now, these were not Twin Towers type towering heels but rather low to medium height heels. At least that is what I think.

The event lasted for three hours with most of the time sitting instead of walking or standing. Nonetheless I arrived home feeling a dull ache on the right side of my womb.

No good. Obviously. It hurt when i sat, lay and walked. So I stuck a heat pad to my jammies and slept with it the entire night hoping for the best.

I woke this morning and felt much better. Lesson learnt. Flats it is today.

Starting FET round one

Today marks the day of my return to something weirdly familiar and comforting - daily injections. Now, let me explain my feelings lest you think I a closet druggie.

Being on daily jabs isn't fun for sure - think self administered ouches and twenty-cent coin sized bruises - but it somehow provides me a level of comfort in knowing that we are doing something in moving closer to having our babies. It is at least a step forward in the right direction, yeah?

I will be on 30 units of Suprefect to shut my active hormonal system down and have also also been instructed to keep up with the multivitamins and add Lacto Forte to the cocktail. Lacto Forte, being a probiotic, is supposed to help balance the good bacteria in the nether regions.

I am emotionally 'almost there' in terms of being prepared for this cycle. I know that this is something we need to get done but am feeling very held back about being emotionally vested in the hope that This Is It. I know that this is not at all the right mindset to be in and promise myself to work on it.

And so, FET babies, here we come!!! We are coming to save you from the frost really soon!!

D&C and Hysteroscopy

It is Wednesday the 7th of September and I underwent a D & C and Hysteroscopy. Isn't it amazing how suddenly such words make it's way to become part of our everyday language?

The procedure, in normal lingo, means Mr Doctor will be:
1) Taking a scrapping of the uterine lining for culture
2) Inserting a video-like instrument to have a visual tour inside to see if there is anything interesting of note inside Kind of like visiting the Night Safari.

The objective of this exercise is to rule out anything that may be wrong with my uterine cavity and lining, since our embryos were deemed perfect in Fresh Two and Fresh Three from the lab perspective. I love how logical analysis comes into play and how much comfort I am drawing from it.

The procedure is done under sedation and lasts about 20 minutes or so, though I spent a good 6 hours in the hospital from check-in to discharge.

According to Mr Doctor, there was no infection in the womb as he had initially suspected from first reconnaissance. The pathology report, however, did show fragments of polyps and an uneven lining which he thinks may be getting in the way of implantation. It also seems like I gave been nurturing a polyp farm since one was previously removed last Jan (2010) .

Mr Doctor is hopeful that a new uterine lining will generate from the procedure and resolve the implantation issue. He has suggested that we try again within the next 4 to 5 months.

So onward and upward we go!!!

I have quite a lot to say about my experience at this hospital in Singapore but will save it for another post. Meanwhile, here is a peek at the obligatory post-operation meal: Cheese sandwich with Milo! Join me for afternoon munchies anyone?

 

Flying in for the procedure

I had to re-arrange our lives to fly back to Singapore for the procedure.

For all our fertility procedures actually.

I remember when we first started on this IVF journey and had discussed our options with some friends who have gone down this route before - opinions are very divided as to whether we should pursue this option locally (out of Singapore on home ground) or overseas where we are living.

One couple was advised to start treatment overseas as their doctor felt that it was too traumatising for the couple to fly in and out of the country for each step of the treatment, given that both parties hold full time jobs. This doctor assured the couple that the overseas centers are alright to proceed with the treatment given the sheer numbers they see as well as the obvious advantage of cost and convenience, despite being in a developing country.

Another couple shared that their doctor had advised them to pursue treatment in Singapore due to the medical advancement and level of medical care here. High costs are an obvious deterrent but I guess it comes with a peace of mind knowing that the level of service provided is much better. There is an added complication of having to make travel arrangements for both parties to be in Singapore for all or parts of the procedure - not to mention how much more complex this can turn out to be if one party held a full time job.

We, or rather, I had felt very strongly for giving Singapore a shot going by my previous experience with the overseas center for IUI as well as hearing a friend's experience there. This instinct proved to be a sound one given all the complications we have since uncovered through Fresh 1,2 and 3, though it doesn't mean that travel and work arrangements have been really tough in addition to ensuring full care for our firstborn.

So here I am en route to Singapore for my fertility operation, leaving my darling firstborn in the care of her nanny and a good mate who will be helping her with her schoolwork. Leaving my husband behind and heading for an operation without his hand holding mine.

A high price to pay but we know that it will amount to something meaningful one day. Meantime, here's adding to some happiness factor with my childhood friends, the Smurfs! How can I not smile when I see them?

No go on third

It is another negative again.

I don’t know if it is because the results have not yet hit me or is it because I have known for two to three days now that my embryos did not stick but I am very calm about the results for this round.

 

This officially marks our 14 months into IVF where we have completed 3 rounds of fresh cycles – two long protocols followed by a short protocol. Results have been a chemical BFP which necessitated a D&C to rule out an eptopic pregnancy and two BFNs. We had started suppression for the first cycle in June 2010 and it is August 2011 now.

I am amazed at how much I have learnt about myself over the past months and how much more versed in medical jargon I have become.

The staff at the center was visibly more upset about the outcome than I was as they had high hopes on my great embryos for this cycle. I'm chewing on some things mentioned on the post-results chat and will share them after I've had a chance to digest them.